Fucking

Fucking is good for you, but it is not good for anything that you do. Fucking makes the brain fuzzy and lazy and it is always the better alternative to anything that you have to do. Not that there is anything inherently wrong with that, normally. Do you remember that scene from The Diary of a Teenage GirlĀ where Minnie meditates about how much she likes fucking? That is me, 90% of the time.

Recently I discovered that you can actually go on dates and sleep with people that you match with on Tinder, it is not just a platform to waste away countless hours on boring and exhausting small talk with not people, but pictures essentially and later on indulge in self-hate over your inability to be interested in others` lives. This discovery, of course, came at a time when I had a lot more important things to worry about, making money, for example, focusing on my degree and so on, but that did not stop from wasting my precious free time with someone I like but never want to pursue a relationship with for the third day in a row.

I suppose there is a difference between fucking someone you are actually together with and fucking just for the sake of it in terms of how it affects your productivity. This time last year I was seeing someone and I have not experienced any of the brain-fuzz despite my regular sexual activity. Quite the opposite, I was determined and as well as I could be, but it is probably partly down to the fact that we have often done work together, to save me from dropping out and because he was busy as well. It has also helped with my depression-induced insomnia, which seems to be far less of an issue recently.

This year, I`ve been fucking out of boredom, in search of experience and if I am honest, just to avoid having to do something else. It makes me feel liberated and empowered in a way that I realise: I am an adult, and I actually am able to do whatever I want with my body, there is no one to tell me otherwise. However, I am fully aware there are complications I will have to face soon, however much I am trying to avoid them. The fact that I have seen the same person three days in a row (the first day being the first time we have ever met) and his reluctant agreement to us not being exclusive started to worry me already. I have no intention of hurting anyone, but I have no intention or ability to connect to somebody else on other than a physical level at the moment.

I might have been better off as a deprived hard worker.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s