I have been told at some point that I have scored 10/10 – on that particular person`s – Alexa Chung-scale. The explanation: tall, skinny, good fashion sense. Rather flattering.
Today I got up fairly early which is a success, but I have been physically and mentally lazy and that means my thoughts were going at high speed, in all directions. I have written about the guys I have been in some sort of intimate relationship with being disturbingly similar in certain ways. Another one I have never thought about before is their surprising fascination of my outfits, something I have not expected before I started spending personal time with people I became sexually involved with.
What I am intrigued about is whether I am found by men who find this particular look attractive, or it is my unconscious choice to navigate towards ones who appreciate my appearance beyond the physical features of my body.
I like to think that I dress well. I remember when I was younger, my style was similar to the current one, only a bit more toned down, but I still got stared at a lot when walking around in town. It has upset me often. Not really the level of attention, more the fact that all the starers looked exactly the same. Clothed the same. I remember spending a few weeks back there last summer and went shopping on the first day I spent there. Waiting for the bus on the main street I looked around and noticed that every single female I could see were wearing denim shorts and tank tops. Every single one of them. I continued looking for about two minutes until I saw someone dressed differently.
I do not know how to not dress with a consciousness about how my appearance is. I am not saying anyone is worse for not caring about clothes, but I personally cannot imagine that. What I wear very heavily influences my moods and even my abilities. One of my steadiest and maybe silliest habits is making sure to choose a perfect outfit and do the best possible makeup before an exam and other important events (not dates, though, interestingly. For those, I like to dress down). This fascination with clothing is probably ridiculous, and I do not even think I am that vain otherwise. Or maybe I am. But anyway, I do not think I would be able to hang out with a guy who is not vocally enthusiastic about my style.